Can't Sleep

A lots been going on lately. I haven't had a moments rest between the move, going back home for my birthday, and work. I've been going non-stop. This past Friday was my literal first day off from doing anything at all, and I spent it and Saturday just trying to relax as well as work some more of our moving boxes and get our new home unpacked. Friday I slept so amazingly well, but last night and tonight, I can't sleep well at all. I'm tired and exhausted, and I just want to sleep! I only want rest, why on Earth is that so difficult? I'm in tears over this, I'm so so so tired, so sleepy why can't I just have this one small thing?

At least Jay is sleeping well. People seem to think that he doesn't do anything because he's out of work right now but really, he does a lot. For example, we're at only one vehicle, right now, mine. And I'm nice enough to share it with him and his mother. Poor Jay. In any one day he could make up to 8 back and forth trips just bringing me and his mom to work, and she works 3 jobs, rarely does she not work 2 in one day. If Jay get really lucky it's only 5 back and forth trips in a day and that's only if she and I both start or end or respective jobs at the mall at the same time.

On top of all of that running around, he still makes trips to the grocery store for us, he's putting in applications for jobs, and he's also car hunting as well! Many people don't realize it, but job hunting is in fact a full time job in and of itself. Especially in this economy. I know, I've been there, I was out of work for over a year and believe me, it sucks. It took months and months of constant applications to get even a single interview let alone an actual job. And the longer you're out of work, the harder it is to FIND work. Add to that the constant rejection, or "well call you back and let you know either way" bullshit when you never get a call back, etc. It all adds up and it just makes you want to give up. It all takes a huge and massive toll on you mentally and emotionally. It really hits your self confidence hard, which in turn can make it even harder to get up and get out job hunting.

I'm really proud of Jay though! He's not letting all this get to him. Sometimes it does, but that's how it is with everyone. Jay's hitting the apps really hard. He WANTS to work and he'll take about any job he can find! He's trying so hard and doing so much in between. I'm so proud of him! I'm really glad at least he's asleep right now and sleeping well. He needs it too. So at least one of us is well rested.

On another note, my big sister is having a baby. She's due in December. I'm really excited, I can't wait to go home for the birth. We were talking tonight, about how the both of us really think that the baby will be born early. It's a girl by the way. I am not the god mother, one of my best friends, April, is. And I'm really excited about it. So is Ape. She's really excited to be an Aunt/Godmother. And I know she's going to take as good care of this little girl and spoil her as rotten as I spoil Aurorah and Leo. April is going to be a really great god mother!

I'm really honored that Riss wants me to be there to cut the cord. She's not with the dad.. he's a douche, I won't get into too much details but lets leave it at they were really good friends from high school. They had a one nighter just for fun, he lied about the condom, and then jackassed his way into the dickwad hall of fame. Lets just say he ate a bowl of stupid every morning for breakfast.

As it is, my mom has been the one that's been there for Riss the entire time, been going to all the appointments, all the birthing classes, everything. I would have thought that would be reason enough to ask our mom to do it. But when I...in complete awe by the way...why me, she simply replied with "Who else would I ask to do it?"

Honored, that's all I can say about that. I am going to do every possible thing in my power to be there for my sister and that baby girl.

So yeah, I guess that's about it. I feel hungry all of the sudden. I'm just sitting here, doing nothing, watching the same Family Guy epps on Adult Swim that I watched earlier tonight, and wishing I could sleep. Not even my Valerian is working tonight...damn it.

Well good night everyone. I love you all, see you on the flip side!