There's Always One

And there it is. In a manner of about 60 seconds I went from feeling moderately secure in my new home and apartment building to being more than just a little paranoid now.

Everybody has at least one. That odd neighbor who's just a little too friendly, and says odd things at first meeting that makes them seem instantly sketchy. Mine, I met a few minuets ago.

On our side of the apartment building, there are only 6 apartments, two on each of the three floors. On the lowest one the laundry room entrance sits between the two apartment doors. Up until now there have only been 3 residents on our side, both apartments on our floor, and the people above us. Now someone has moved into one of the units on the first floor.

I'm sure he's a very nice guy, and I am probably going to hell for making an assumption about somebody I know absolutely nothing about, and I'm not really assuming anything, but I have instantly been put on my guard. He fits that stereotypical creeper. A larger, balding man in his 40's, glasses and an accent that sounds like it's mixed and he could be from the Russian area of the world and from Europe all at once. He was chatty and pleasant but said things and asked questions that's seemed to be just a little too nosy for a simple passing in the laundry greeting chat. And it was those questions, as well as how he presented himself that put me immediately on my guard.

The stereotype description I could care less about, as I know very very well, nobody can judge a book y it's cover. But when he asked if I lived alone (he saw me with a only an hour before), or if I had children, when we weren't even getting that chatty int he first place it just made me uncomfortable. I instantly went from feeling perfectly ok with leaving my apt door unlocked when I'm home alone (like I can do back home in Minnesota) to locking it as soon as I got back into the apartment where Jay was waiting for me. And you can ask him, I would rather leave it unlocked out of habits from growing up, yanno? It takes a lot to make me THAT uncomfortable.

I really really hope he was just trying to get to know his neighbors, and that I really have nothing to worry about but for an overly friendly down stair's neighbor. I am going to keep an open mind here, without ignoring my own safety. I will still stay on my guard more than normal for a while... even if I wanted to, I couldn't stop myself from doing that I don't think.

I know that's not a byproduct of my upbringing in a bad location. When I was little I lived in a very safe place where my dad could call for me out the back door and from a block and a half away he could hear me call back that I was coming, very Leave it to Beaver esque. We only locked our doors at night back then...except for Christmas Eve. We left the back door unlocked for Santa. There aren't very many places like that now days. When I eventually have kids, I really do want to be able to move to a place much like the location I grew up in. It's a far hope with how our society is but I can still, in fact, hope.

I'm getting off topic here though. The being on my guard, I think, is still part of my upbringing. My daddy, and my momma, my grandfather's and grandmothers taught me, and all of us in my family... the boys as much as the women...we can't be too careful. We are to never think or say "Oh it can't happen to me." Because the chances are it can and will. It's something that lies dormant in me, waiting to spring to the forefront to help protect me. It's always there in my subconscious, I'm always looking around myself when I'm alone in public. In my purse I keep a knife that once belonged to my grandfather, still as sharp now as the day my Daddy passed it on to me. When I leave work alone at night, my keys remain firmly between my fingers as makeshift self defense weapons, as told to me by my father.

I don't want to assume anybody is a creeper or worse, but at the same time, you really can't be too safe. There are so many untrustworthy people in this world, and its really a shame that I have to feel as though I need that knife in my purse or that one extra glance around the parking lot. I should be able to feel safe in my own apartment building when we have a locked and key code controlled front and back door in the general access. *sighs*

Those days are gone I suppose, but I hope that's only for now. I hope that one day, things will get better, even if it's just better to the degree it was when I was a kid. I guess there isn't much more to say on this subject. I'm going to continue watching my back and locking my door, until I can get to know our new neighbor better. I sincerely hope my first impression was just off due to an over eagerness to get to know a new neighbor. :)

Silly Things

I am bored, so here are some cute, funny, and generally amusing images I stole from my sister and other random places on the net :) Apologies for bad sizing it wouldn't let me re-size it all properly, but bah, whatever. I hope these still make you smile.

Can't Sleep

A lots been going on lately. I haven't had a moments rest between the move, going back home for my birthday, and work. I've been going non-stop. This past Friday was my literal first day off from doing anything at all, and I spent it and Saturday just trying to relax as well as work some more of our moving boxes and get our new home unpacked. Friday I slept so amazingly well, but last night and tonight, I can't sleep well at all. I'm tired and exhausted, and I just want to sleep! I only want rest, why on Earth is that so difficult? I'm in tears over this, I'm so so so tired, so sleepy why can't I just have this one small thing?

At least Jay is sleeping well. People seem to think that he doesn't do anything because he's out of work right now but really, he does a lot. For example, we're at only one vehicle, right now, mine. And I'm nice enough to share it with him and his mother. Poor Jay. In any one day he could make up to 8 back and forth trips just bringing me and his mom to work, and she works 3 jobs, rarely does she not work 2 in one day. If Jay get really lucky it's only 5 back and forth trips in a day and that's only if she and I both start or end or respective jobs at the mall at the same time.

On top of all of that running around, he still makes trips to the grocery store for us, he's putting in applications for jobs, and he's also car hunting as well! Many people don't realize it, but job hunting is in fact a full time job in and of itself. Especially in this economy. I know, I've been there, I was out of work for over a year and believe me, it sucks. It took months and months of constant applications to get even a single interview let alone an actual job. And the longer you're out of work, the harder it is to FIND work. Add to that the constant rejection, or "well call you back and let you know either way" bullshit when you never get a call back, etc. It all adds up and it just makes you want to give up. It all takes a huge and massive toll on you mentally and emotionally. It really hits your self confidence hard, which in turn can make it even harder to get up and get out job hunting.

I'm really proud of Jay though! He's not letting all this get to him. Sometimes it does, but that's how it is with everyone. Jay's hitting the apps really hard. He WANTS to work and he'll take about any job he can find! He's trying so hard and doing so much in between. I'm so proud of him! I'm really glad at least he's asleep right now and sleeping well. He needs it too. So at least one of us is well rested.

On another note, my big sister is having a baby. She's due in December. I'm really excited, I can't wait to go home for the birth. We were talking tonight, about how the both of us really think that the baby will be born early. It's a girl by the way. I am not the god mother, one of my best friends, April, is. And I'm really excited about it. So is Ape. She's really excited to be an Aunt/Godmother. And I know she's going to take as good care of this little girl and spoil her as rotten as I spoil Aurorah and Leo. April is going to be a really great god mother!

I'm really honored that Riss wants me to be there to cut the cord. She's not with the dad.. he's a douche, I won't get into too much details but lets leave it at they were really good friends from high school. They had a one nighter just for fun, he lied about the condom, and then jackassed his way into the dickwad hall of fame. Lets just say he ate a bowl of stupid every morning for breakfast.

As it is, my mom has been the one that's been there for Riss the entire time, been going to all the appointments, all the birthing classes, everything. I would have thought that would be reason enough to ask our mom to do it. But when I...in complete awe by the way...why me, she simply replied with "Who else would I ask to do it?"

Honored, that's all I can say about that. I am going to do every possible thing in my power to be there for my sister and that baby girl.

So yeah, I guess that's about it. I feel hungry all of the sudden. I'm just sitting here, doing nothing, watching the same Family Guy epps on Adult Swim that I watched earlier tonight, and wishing I could sleep. Not even my Valerian is working tonight...damn it.

Well good night everyone. I love you all, see you on the flip side!